


A Fire Within

by Elerrina174



Series: Thedas Fairy Tales [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mulan (1998) Fusion, Angst, Apostates (Dragon Age), Canon-Typical Violence, Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Retellings, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Mulan (1998), Mages, Mages (Dragon Age), Mages and Templars, Magic, Not Really A Fairy Tale But Oh Well, Romantic Friendship, Secrets, Slow Burn, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2019-04-22
Packaged: 2019-07-05 12:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15863832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elerrina174/pseuds/Elerrina174
Summary: Mages and Templars don't mix, especially apostate mages and Templars, Emerie knows this. All of her mother's horror stories from life in the circles let her know this. So why did she think it was a good idea to live amongst them, and why can't she get a certain ex-Templar out of her head? What could go wrong?A Thedas retelling of Mulan (even though it's not a fairy tale)"Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within, once you find your center, you are sure to win."





	1. Bad Ideas are Made of This

**Author's Note:**

> I know Mulan isn't technically a fairy tale but I liked the idea of a mage pretending to be normal and living amongst the Inquisition. I hope you enjoy the story! Comments and kudos are appreciated!

The force of the shockwave knocked her off of her feet and now she was lying on her back staring up at an unfamiliar sky. Emerie squinted her eyes against the blinding bright green light and tried to hear through the ringing in her ears. She sat up slowly and groaned through the sore pain now coursing through her body. She brought her eyes back up to the sky in time to see an object hurtling toward her. She hunkered down and squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation for the impact.

The thud next to her and the resulting vibration of the ground let her know that the object had landed next to her. She blinked her eyes open and glanced over to find a large piece of stone. She looked at it a little shocked for a moment before she shook her head and stood up. Her eyes scoured the mountainside in front of her. There had been a large and beautiful temple perched at the top but now there was nothing. From where she was standing it looked like the temple had simply disappeared.

She cocked her head and scowled as her hand came up to rub her sore neck. She stared at the empty spot on the mountain for a moment before making up her mind. She had to investigate the mysterious disappearance of the temple and the now giant swirling green hole in the sky. If people were injured or being attacked she could help. She stooped and picked her staff up off the ground before setting out for where the temple had been.

She hadn't been walking for very long when a green mass fell from the breach above her. It landed on the ground in front of her and she watched with a brow raised in mild curiosity as two demons materialized out of it. She took a step back in shock before bringing her staff up in front of her protectively. She dug deep within herself and pulled out the magic that she knew was there. She felt the familiar tingling in her body as it coursed through her and out the end of her staff. She whirled the staff around herself as she shot balls of fire from the top of it.

The demons were no match for her powerful magic and soon dissolved back into the ground. She stepped around the globs of goo where the demons had once been and continued her trek up the side of the mountain. However, it wasn't long before another mass of green fell from the breach and produced more demons. Emerie had no idea what was happening but it had to be bad if demons were suddenly falling from the sky. She made quick work of the demons but soon realized that they now littered her path to the temple. At this rate, it would take her forever to reach the temple. If she got there too late she wouldn't be able to help anyone that needed assistance.

She sighed, there was no way for her to speed up her journey, at least none she could see. She tied her long hair up behind her before tightening her grip on her staff. She could tell it was going to be a long day as she headed back up the mountain. She checked her bag that she had slung over her shoulder. She didn't have that many lyrium potions left and hoped this trip wouldn't be too draining.

It took her a day to reach where the temple had been even though she traveled through the night. She was exhausted and she could tell her mana was low. She had already used all of her lyrium potions so she was out of options if she didn't want to over-exert herself. When she reached the location of the temple she was taken aback by the damage that had been done. The temple had been obliterated by something and now stood in complete ruin and desolation.

She jumped down into the ruins and looked around. The ground was scorched beneath her feet and burnt corpses surrounded her all in different poses of distress like they had been frozen in time. She tapped one of the corpses with the end of her staff and watched as it tipped over and stiffly fell to the ground. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the smell of burnt flesh. There was also the very familiar tingle of magic in the air. Something was wrong with the entire situation, very wrong but she didn't know what it was. Other than the fact that something had blown apart the temple and killed countless innocent people in the process.

Emerie looked between the inner part of the temple and the exit. She couldn't decide if she should investigate further or if she should leave and see if people needed help. She glanced to the giant breach above her and decided she probably shouldn't investigate it on her own. So she started to make her way toward the exit but paused. What if there were Templars, what would she do then? She felt a cold chill run through her body. She was an apostate, they would capture her and put her in a circle, or worse. 

She sat down on a blackened broken wall and put her face in her hands. What was she going to do? She could just walk away and pretend like she hadn't seen anything, but could she really abandon anyone who needed help? This looked like it might end up being a problem that would put all of Thedas at risk so she couldn't ignore it forever. However, she was terrified of being caught by Templars. Her mother’s horror stories from the circle had been enough to instill a deep fear of them in her.

She took a deep breath and made up her mind. She would at least go and see if anyone needed help. If they didn't, she could leave and go on her way and if they did she would stay and help. She wouldn't turn her back on people in need, even if there were Templars. She pushed herself up off the wall and glanced at her staff and bag of things. If she was seen with a staff they would immediately assume she was a mage. Maybe she could do more good if they didn't know she was a mage? She took her things and stashed them behind a nearby bush. If she decided she wasn't going to stay she could always come and retrieve them later.

She set out from the temple toward the sounds of fighting elsewhere. When she rounded the corner she was met with the sight of a small green rift surrounded by fighting men and demons. She was not only a talented mage but she was also deadly with a sword and bow. She picked up a sword and shield off the ground from next to a fallen soldier and joined the fight. She was going to avoid using her magic so she didn't give herself away about being a mage. Her mana was also exhausted from all of the fighting she had done just to reach the temple.

The demons were pouring from the rift in wave after wave of vicious assault. No one had seemed to notice her sudden appearance which she figured was a good thing. All of the men looked worse than she did, which was surprising because she looked like she hadn't slept in two days, which she hadn't. They looked like they were in desperate need of reinforcements but she doubted they would get them. If they looked this bad they should have gotten reinforcements a long time ago.

She dodged an attack from a shade and was about to counter it when she caught sight of something golden shining in the sun. A man dripping with sweat with bright blonde hair was fighting just across the rift from her. She didn't know how she hadn't noticed him before. He caught her eye and attention immediately and she watched him counter the demon in front of him with surprising accuracy and speed, it was obvious he was an experienced warrior. 

Watching his successful counter cost her the time to perform her own and she was promptly knocked over. She hit the ground face first and rolled over quickly to glare at the demon that had the audacity to knock her over. She flipped back onto her feet and rolled past the demon to stab it in the back. It screeched in defiance before melting back into the rift. She paused briefly to glance over her shoulder at the scratch across her back. It had torn through her clothes since she wasn't wearing armor and she could feel the blood dripping from the burning wound. It wasn't anything more than a flesh wound and certainly wasn't life threatening so she went back to fighting.

She didn't know how long it was until four new people showed up to the fight. After two more waves of demons, the woman at the head of the group raised her hand and closed the rift. Emerie watched in amazement as the rift folded in on itself and disappeared. Her amazement was then directed at the young woman who was looking down at her own hand in wonder like she was also surprised that she could do that.

The men seemed to gather themselves together and wait for orders so Emerie did the same. She separated herself from the group slightly and watched the young woman and her companions talk to the man with blonde hair. They seemed to decide on something and then the man turned and gave the order for the men to move out and go back down the mountain. He turned to walk in her direction and that's when she saw the symbol on his bracers. 

It flashed in the light from the rift and while she was still a distance away she would recognize the symbol anywhere. It was the symbol for the Templar order, he was a Templar. Her stomach dropped at the sight of it and she suddenly felt sick. He seemed to be in charge and if that was the case she was screwed. When her emotions flared her magic tended to follow so she took a deep breath and tried to still herself. 

She opened her eyes back up to find him heading straight for her. He had already figured it out. He knew she was an apostate and he was going to put her in chains and drag her away. Emerie stood her ground mostly out of the fact that she was just too scared to move. When he was right in front of her she opened her mouth to beg for her life when suddenly he walked right past her. She scrunched her face in confusion and looked at the ground before quickly turning to follow him with her eyes. He was bent over behind her helping another soldier off of the ground. She let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding and felt the tension leave her body.

She followed the other men out of the temple ruins and down the mountain path toward a small village. She hadn't even known there had been a village here. As they walked down the path they were being directed by a young man with a Starkhaven accent. The men that weren’t injured were sent to clean themselves up and get food while the ones that were injured were sent to the healer’s tent. 

In an attempt to not draw attention to herself Emerie tried to sneak away with the men that weren’t injured even though her back was bloody and raw. But the man who was directing them stopped her and pointed her in the right direction. She followed along for the moment with a frown but once she was out of sight she snuck away. She couldn't risk being caught so she snuck away from the village and any Templars and used her own magic to heal her wound.

Then as nonchalantly as she could she made her way back inside the village walls and looked around. When she saw the state that most of the people were in she was happy that she had decided to help. They looked like they could use all of the help they could get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if the other chapters will have titles or not because that's not usually something I do but I was too amused with this title not to use it. And yes, its a play on words of the Eurythmics song "Sweet Dreams (Are Made Of This)"


	2. The Importance of First Impressions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, we'll see how long these chapter titles last lol it's hard enough to come up with a title for the story. Also, I've been considering jumping between the perspectives of Emerie and Cullen but I can't decided if that's a good idea or not, especially since I've never written from Cullen's perspective before. Leave a comment and let me know what you think!

Emerie ran her hand along the stone wall and felt the rough stone catch on her fingertips. She watched the magic spark between her fingers briefly before she remembered where she was and quickly pulled her hand back. She sucked in her breath as she peeked around from under her lashes. Her eyes quickly scoured the Chantry for anyone that could have seen her but when she didn't see anyone she let out her breath in relief. 

She had been wandering around Haven for the past hour exploring the small village. She didn't know what she was supposed to be doing or what exactly was going on but she had decided to stick around for the time being. The problem was a lot bigger than she had first realized and the people here seemed to need all the help they could get. 

She sighed as she glanced around the large stone room. She had never been in a Chantry before and it was a surreal feeling. She kept expecting Templars to jump out and put her in chains. She walked across the room to a door on the other side, she was about to peer inside when someone suddenly opened it. The door almost hit her in the face and she quickly leaned back away from it as she took a step backward. The golden-haired man from the battlefield step out of the door and stopped in his tracks when he noticed her. Emerie eyed him cautiously as she pulled her hands behind her back. 

“I'm sorry I didn't see you there.” He offered as he noticed her. 

“It's fine,” she shook her head dismissively and kept her eyes in the ground. 

“I don't believe we've met. I'm Commander Cullen Rutherford.” He gave her a slight nod as he introduced himself. 

She looked at him a little timidly, “Emerie,”

He smiled at her before reaching out and taking her hand. She fought the urge to pull back as she watched him with wide terrified eyes. He brought the back of her hand to his lips and brushed a chaste kiss across her knuckles. She held her breath as she felt his warm breath brush over her hand as he pulled away from her. He paused with his face inches from her hand and furrowed his brow. He stared intently at her hand before his eyes wandered away in thought. Emerie felt herself tremble as she watched him and nervously bit her lip. After a moment he shook his head as he straightened and released her hand.

“It's nice to meet you Emerie.” He went on casually, which made her breathe a sigh of relief. “What is your part in the Inquisition?”

“I don't really have one.” She shrugged.

“Didn't I see you fighting at the Temple?” He cocked his head and rested his hands on the butt of his sword which was strapped to his side.

Emerie’s eyes darted to quickly follow the movement but she relaxed once she saw that the Commander was taking on a more relaxed stance and not an aggressive one. “I saw the explosion and came to investigate. I stumbled upon the fighting and joined in.”

“Well, we can use all of the help we can get. If you decide to stick around I can offer you a place in the army. You seem to know your way around a sword pretty well from what I recall.” He gave her a friendly smirk, but she averted her eyes to the ground.

“I would like that.” 

He smiled, “Good, we’re still trying to get everything settled and the Inquisition is just starting out but I'm hoping to hold the first field practice soon. I'll get you assigned to a tent and some supplies in the meantime. Don't be late for our first practice.” He finished as he stepped around her and began to walk away. He got a couple of steps away before he turned back to her. “How is that wound on your back? Did you get the healer to look at it.”

Emerie turned to look at him a little shocked, first, he mentioned that he had noticed her on the field and now he also knew she had been injured. She hadn't realized he had even seen her join the fight, to begin with. “Yes, I had the healer look at it and it's much better now.” She lied as she offered him a fake smile and rolled her shoulders to show it felt better. The corner of his mouth twitched and he nodded before turning and leaving the Chantry. Emerie could finally breathe easy now that he was out of view.

She was eventually assigned to a tent and given some supplies. The first practice didn't happen until the next day, after the young woman who had closed the breach in the sky had awoken and been brought into the Inquisition. Everyone was calling her the Herald of Andraste because they said that Andraste herself had delivered her out of the breach. Emerie didn't know if she believed the rumors or not, she was just happy they had a way to close the rifts.

Emerie now stood with the rest of the men on the field as the Commander spoke to them. She was nervous and felt out of place amongst the ranks of the men. She felt like she stuck out, but it was probably just the fact that she was lying to everyone around her. She bit her lip as she fiddled with the sword belt around her waist. She had been given armor and weapons to practice with and it felt strange to be wearing them as she was used to loose clothing and a staff.

The Commander was giving a speech about the ins and outs of being a soldier in the Inquisition. It was easy for her to watch him but harder for her to listen to him. She was watching him and the other Templars around the field with a sharp eye. She was looking for any signs that they knew she was a mage. She tried to pay attention to what he was saying but she was too preoccupied to listen well and only caught about half of what he said.

The actual practice finally started and they all paired up to spar. The Commander took them through a range of training routines. Each time one partner would play the attacker and the other the defender. Each routine got harder and harder as they progressed. Despite the cool mountain air, by the time they were halfway through their practice, Emerie was drenched in sweat. She dug her fingers into the collar of her shirt and pulled it away from her damp skin. Her chest was rising and falling quickly with her fast panting breaths. The Commander yelled out the next exercise and she and her partner got into position.

They were both exhausted and her stance copied the weak one her partner had also taken up. They made eye contact through their helmets and Emerie shook her head and rolled her eyes at the Commander’s insistent demands, which made her partner’s shoulders shake in a quiet laugh.

“Something funny?”

They both froze and shared a worried look. Her partner turned around to face the serious looking Commander. 

“Nothing sir,” the young woman stated respectively. 

The Commander eyed them for a moment before going back to barking out instructions. When her partner turned around they smirked knowingly at each other before starting the routine.

Emerie fought hard but her partner was more experienced with a sword than she was. She was used to using a staff so it felt strange to be limited to just a sword and shield. On the last sparring practice of the day she was practically beaten into the ground. Her partner shield bashed her so hard she was knocked off of her feet and landed on the ground on her back. She laid there as the Commander gave the signal that they were done. She waved away the hand her partner offered her to help her up and waited until she walked away to sit up. She sat on the ground in the snow as she caught her breath. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the Commander heading straight for her and quickly looked in the other direction as she rubbed the back of her sore neck.

“Your back is bleeding.” 

Emerie glanced up at him, he had stopped next to her and was looking down at her. She looked over her shoulder at the wound that had reopened on her back. She had felt it tear when she landed on the ground but hadn't thought much of it. Her mana had been so drained that she had only healed her wound half of the way, and now it was bleeding again. 

“So it is,” she said unconcerned. 

“You should really have the healer look at it this time.” Her eyes shot up to him at his word choice. He smirked smugly, “I know you didn't go to the healer the first time, I checked. You're a terrible liar.”

If that was the case then she was more screwed than she thought. He didn't look angry as he outstretched his hand to help her up. She took it cautiously and gave him a guilty look. “It wasn't that bad and there were plenty of people that needed more help than I did.”

“Still, I can't have my men not getting their wounds treated and then fighting injured.” He glanced at her back and then looked back at her face. “Go see the healer, that's an order. I don't have to walk you there myself, do I?” She shook her head no, “Good.” He gave her a quick smile before walking away. 

Emerie sighed and started making her way toward the healer's cabin. She had no choice this time and didn't want the Commander to grow suspicious. She was concerned that he had already checked part of her story out. What was stopping him from digging even more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title was inspired by "The Imporrance of Being Ernest"


	3. Spar me the Small Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter, I'm trying to get back into writing

Emerie itched at the bandages wrapped around her upper body. The healer had been nice and knowledgeable enough but bandages were no comparison to healing magic. She shifted her shoulders uncomfortably in an attempted to adjust her bandages a little so they didn't dig into her armpit. She sighed and reached around herself to tug at the cloth. 

“If you keep fiddling with it you're just going to make it worse.” 

Emerge pulled her hand away quickly and shifted in her seat. The Commander sat down at the bar next to her. She didn't look at him or reply to his statement. Instead, she stared blankly into her bowl and stirred her spoon through her porridge.

“I'm glad to see it looks like you actually went to the healer’s this time.” He continued despite her silence. Emerie made brief eye contact with him and nodded. The man scared the living daylights out of her. The last thing she wanted to do was spend more time around him. “How does it feel?” He asked as his own breakfast was placed in front of him and he began to eat. 

“Better… just itchy.” She finally answered.

“Good, that means it's healing.” He tried to catch her eyes to give her a smile but Emerie was shielding herself from his gaze with her bright red hair which had fallen into her face. He seemed to take the hint as he eventually got up and took his porridge with him to leave the tavern. Emerie finally breathed a sigh of relief and went back to eating.

Later that day she had practice. Luckily the Commander was taking it easy on them. They were practicing on dummies instead of each other. They were mostly focusing on form and technique. Emerie was thankful for the break from all of the vigorous sparring and so was the wound on her back. Maybe this time it could actually heal.

Emerie got in line with the other soldiers and tried to blend in. Which was made difficult by the fact that her hair shone like fire in the sun. She took her helmet off and tucked her hair up before fitting it snuggly back on her head. She was on the end of the line and didn't realize someone was next to her until her elbow bumped into something. She turned to find the Commander’s second in command looking at her. She bit her lip as she met his eyes and tried to remember his name. It wasn't coming to her quickly enough so she just gave him an apologetic look and mouthed sorry. He gave her a charming smile and opened his mouth to say something before the Commander yelled out over the group. 

“Rylen!” 

His name was Captain Rylen, Emerie groaned, how could she have forgotten that. He gave her one last glance before moving away toward where the Commander was standing. She followed him through the troops with her eyes. It was only when he stopped next to the Commander that she realized he had been watching her. When the Captain came to stand next to him his amber eyes flicked away from her and over to him. She cringed, so much for not drawing attention to herself. She tugged at the straps of her helmet to pull it even lower on her head. If she couldn't see them they couldn't see her. 

The troops were given equipment and then set to practice on the dummies set up on the field for them. Emerie took what she had learned previously and tried to apply it to her fighting style. She could get by with a sword and a shield but she was used to using a staff and shooting magic from her fingertips. She wasn't an expert swordsman and it showed. She felt like she was falling behind many of the other troops.

To make things worse the Herald and Seeker were down at the field to watch the troops. The Seeker was showing the new Herald around the grounds. They were observing from a distance and out of the corner of her eye, Emerie watched the Commander approach them. They started walking amongst the practicing troops as they talked. They were surveying the field and the men's training while discussing something. She just hoped they didn't come her way. She tried to keep an eye on them but she lost track of them as she continued with her training. 

With the rigorous routine, the Captain was taking them through even in the cold Emerie was dripping with sweat. Sweat was running down her face and into her eyes. She used her sleeve to wipe the sweat from her face before getting into the next position. They were running through a routine of attack and defense stances. Practicing on the dummies was easier than sparring but not as realistic. 

Emerie took up the next position and began to go through the motions of the next routine. She smacked the dummy with her shield and her sword quickly followed. The sword struck the dummy in the neck and she pulled back quickly before stabbing the metal sword into the dummy's straw stomach. She took a step back and adjusted her grip on her sword as she prepared to strike again. 

Suddenly she felt a large hand splay across her lower back. “Here,” the deep voice in her ear had her sucking in her breath. Her entire body tensed and she was afraid to breathe. The Commander’s hand shifted to her side and he placed his other hand on her opposite hip. “If you change your stance,” He shifted her body, “and adjust your shoulders.” His hands grabbed her shoulders and he gently moved them. “Then you'll get a better swing.” He lined his body up next to her and helped her swing her sword along the right arc. “See?” He glanced at her with a small smile.

Emerie swallowed loudly before meeting his eyes. He was looking at her intently, waiting for her to respond. She was still finding it hard to breathe due to how close he was. Not only was she afraid but she was also noticing the Commander was even more attractive up close. She quickly nodded and diverted her gaze as she waited for him to leave. When he finally moved away she felt like she could breathe again. She took a deep breath and started practicing again as she tried to follow the Captain's demonstrations. She was finding it harder to focus now. She felt like the Commander was watching her and that scared her. She didn't want him to notice her. She just wanted to blend in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is a play on "spare me the small talk" if that wasn't obvious lol


	4. Fear and Circumstance

Emerie drew her sword back and then brought it down on the dummy's shoulder in a powerful swing. She shook her arm out from the impact and sighed. She and the rest of the troops were practicing on the dummies again. They were warming up with this easy practice in the morning and then during the afternoon practice, the Captain had said they would be sparring. Emerie was not looking forward to that. The dummies were boring but at least they didn't fight back. 

She let out a deep breath as she got back into position. She didn't feel like she was improving at all and as she looked around at the other men she could tell most of them were better than her. That meant that during sparring in the afternoon she was going to be beaten into the ground, again. She still had bruises from the last sparring practice. They didn't go easy on her just because she sucked. 

Part of her was starting to regret joining the Inquisition. She had known it was a bad idea from the beginning. Besides herself, the only other mage she knew of was the bald elf that liked to walk around barefoot and talk about things no one cared to listen to. He seemed to be of some importance to the people in charge so he was mostly left alone. No strange looks or accusations and no Templar guards around his cabin. Emerie wished that was her situation. Mages didn't seem too welcome in the Inquisition and she was certainly outnumbered. There were Templars everywhere. She didn't feel safe or comfortable. She was constantly on guard and looking over her shoulder. She barely slept out of fear of being found out. 

She had been lost in thought so the sudden hand on her back made her jump. She tensed under the guiding touch of the Commander. His hand pressed against her briefly to correct her stance. She quickly shifted her weight and adjusted the grip on her sword which got her a pat on the shoulder before he moved on. Why did he seem to be taking such an interest in her? That was the second time he had helped her with her stance. The scared part of her brain said that it was because he was suspicious. Yet the logical part of her brain said that he was a good Commander and could see that she was struggling. Besides being a Templar, Emerie couldn't find anything wrong with the man. From what she had seen and heard he seemed to be a decent guy and good Commander. It was obvious he was a natural born leader and his men respected him. Emerie could not share their trust. He was a former Templar and she didn't trust Templars, not after what they had done.

After her uneventful practice, Emerie tidied her tent and then got lunch. The hot meal rejuvenated her and she strolled out of the tavern and took the steps down to the field two at a time. She was watching her feet as she went and when she reached the bottom she ran into someone. The solid form barely moved as she face planted against their chest. She backed up quickly and took an even larger step back when she looked up and met the eyes of the Commander. She immediately snapped her eyes back to the ground and shifted her weight from foot to foot. 

“S-sorry ser.” She apologized without meeting his gaze. 

“You're fine,” he dismissed her apology. “Are you alright?” She nodded, keeping her eyes to the ground. “I'm glad to see my men in a hurry to get back to practice.” Emerie could hear the small smile in his voice but didn't look up to see it. After an awkward pause, she slowly turned to leave. “Wait,” a hand grabbed her arm. “Emerie, right?” This time she looked up slightly surprised that he remembered her name and nodded. “You're hard to forget with hair like that.” He said with a smile as he gestured toward the mess of red hair tucked underneath her helmet. He studied her for a moment and his gaze made her uncomfortable. “Do we have a problem?” 

Emerie’s eyes widened and she quickly shook her head. “No, ser.” She hoped not. 

He continued to stare at her. When he finally spoke it wasn't what she was expecting to hear. “A leader wants the people under them to obey because of mutual respect and trust, not out of fear. I like to get to know some of my men. Are you free tonight?” Emerie couldn't help the odd look that crossed her face. “I would like to get to know you better. Why don't you eat with me tonight after practice.” She didn't know how to answer him. “Would it help if I made it an order?” He asked when she didn't answer right away. 

“I will see you tonight, ser.” She said curtly before turning and scurrying away. She hated the thought of having dinner with him but if she had said “no” it would have looked bad, especially since he already thought she had a problem with him. Which she did, she just didn't need him to know that.

During practice that afternoon Emerie became very acquainted with the ground since that's where she spent most of her time. At this point, she and the ground were on a first name basis. Like she had feared she was way behind most of the other recruits in skill. Her partner was currently winning their third sparring match of the practice. They were rotating partners so they could get a better feel for different fighting styles. That didn't help Emerie however as each of her partners had been much better than her. 

After she lost the third round they rotated again. This time she was pinned against a massive man. He stood at least a foot taller than her and was twice the width of her. She wasn't a very large person but his proportions still made him huge especially compared to her. For this round, he was the attacker and she was defending. She cringed as she set up the best block she could. This is going to hurt she thought as she watched him sprint toward her at full force with his shield up. Sure enough, the impact sent her hurtling through the air and she hit the ground with a thump and a groan.

The air had been knocked from her lungs so she laid motionless for a moment just trying to breathe. She stared up at the blinding light of the sun and blinked as she finally managed to suck in a feeble breath. She let the air out through her teeth before letting out a strained whine as she tried to move. She managed to twitch her foot before giving up and continuing to lie there still catching her breath.

“What were you thinking?!” 

“Nothing, ser.”

“Apparently so! Were practicing, not actually trying to kill each other.” 

She watched the Commander kneel down beside her. He unfastened her helmet strap and pulled her helmet off her head. He leaned over her and got uncomfortably close as he examined her eyes. 

“Are you alright?” He asked looking back and forth between her green eyes. When she nodded he sat up and offered her his hand. Emerie looked at his hand but turned and rolled away from him to sit herself up. “Or not.” She heard him mumble under his breath. 

She sat for a moment before forcing herself to her feet. The Commander stood up beside her as she gathered her things. He handed her the helmet which was still in his hand and she took it with a small forced smile. 

“Permission to leave practice early?” She asked. 

“Of course,” she nodded and started to walk past him. “Emerie,” he grabbed her arm. “Go see the healer.”

“I'm fine, ser.” She shrugged off his concern, barely meeting his eyes. 

“Go see the healer.” He said again with more force. 

She realized this time that it wasn't a suggestion, but an order. She nodded obediently and set her gear in her tent before going to the healer's tent. By the time the healer finally looked at her just to tell her that she had a couple of bruises but was otherwise fine it was dinner time. She remembered her promise to the Commander and begrudgingly made her way to the tavern.

She took a seat at a table in the back corner. One that was as set apart from the other tables as she could find. She sat down and was immediately served some ale. She drank it appreciatively but turned down the servers offer of some food. She was too nervous to eat. She waited for a couple of minutes before the sound of creaking wood and a cold breeze told her the door to the tavern had opened. She looked up to see the Commander standing in the doorway. Tall, blonde and handsome. She shook her head, it didn't matter how attractive she found him. He was a Templar and that's all that was important.

The tavern was mostly empty since practice had just ended and the men hadn't made it there to eat yet so he spotted her quickly. A pleased smile spread across his face when he saw her but Emerie looked away. She was dreading what was to come. She could feel his gaze on her as he strode across the tavern floor toward her table. She pretended not to notice him even though he knew she had seen him.

She looked up when he finally reached her. “Hello, can I join you?” 

Emerie found it weird that he was asking since he was the one that had made her come in the first place. But she played along and nodded as she motioned to the seat across from her. The barmaid quickly returned once the Commander was seated and Emerie had to do a double take. She swore the woman's shirt was undone even more than when she had seen her previously. Her breasts were almost falling out of her dress and she made sure to practically shove them into the Commander’s face. The man, to Emerie's surprise, seemed completely oblivious. His eyes never once strayed to the woman's voluptuous breasts and instead stayed at eye level. 

“What can I get you, Commander?” She swayed her hips as she came around the side of the table and placed a hand on the Commander’s shoulder. Her other hand fell to her hip which was sticking out farther than Emerie thought was humanly possible. She was giving him the cheekiest grin and Emerie could have sworn her voice rose two octaves.

“An ale and a stew, please.” He replied politely before glancing at Emerie. “Did you eat?”

“No, I'm not hungry.”

He gave her a disapproving look, “and a stew for the lady.” Emerie frowned, she had said she wasn't hungry. 

“Coming right up. As fast as I can for you Commander.” Emerie rolled her eyes, the woman had emphasized the word coming. She may as well have repeatedly said sex and it would have gotten the same message across. Except Emerie didn't think the Commander and barmaid were speaking the same language. He still seemed oblivious as he gave her a smile as she left to get their order.

He must have noticed her eye roll as he gave her a funny look. “What? You don't like her? She seems nice enough.”

“Nice? I think she likes you more than she likes me.” 

He furrowed his brow, “what do you mean?”

Emerie bit her tongue and shook her head to dismiss his question as she returned her eyes back to her ale. She shouldn't have said anything. He wasn't going to get it and she wasn't going to explain it. An akward silence fell over them that was only interrupted when the barmaid came back with their food. Emerie didn't even look up. The woman's incessant flirting was embarrassing to watch and how blind the Commander was to it made it even more uncomfortable. When she finally left Emerie’s stew was slid in front of her from across the table. She looked at it but made no move to eat.

“We do a lot during practice and I like my men to be fed so they can keep up and stay healthy.” Emerie glanced at him but still made no move to eat. He cleared his throat during the silence that followed before trying again. “So, Emerie, why did you join the Inquisition?”

Her answer was simple, “I wanted to help.”

He smiled at this, “That's a noble reason, and one shared by many here. Where are you from?”

“All over.” She was going to keep her answers short and sweet. 

He waited for her to continue but she didn't. “Well judging from the accent I say we can narrow down ‘all over’ to at least Ferelden. Anywhere I would know of?” 

“No, it was a middle of nowhere kind of place.” 

He nodded, “I'm from Honnleath, born and raised. Do you have any family? Brothers or sisters?” Emerie’s fingers tightened around her mug. She clenched her jaw and shook her head no. “I have two sisters and a brother. My older sister is always concerned about me.” The Commander continued. “Do you have anyone concerned about you? Maybe, someone, we can contact for you to let them know you're ok?” Again she shook her head. “No husband or partner?”

She looked up at him, “No, you?”

He raised his eyebrows at her sudden contribution to the conversation. “Me? Um no I don't have anyone. At thirteen I joined the Templar order. When I turned eighteen I got my first circle tower assignment. There was a girl there that I fancied but nothing came of it, she was a mage so nothing could have come of it. That assignment didn't end well, and then I moved to Kirkwall and was too busy, and now the Inquisition where I'm sure I will be too busy again.”

Emerie was surprised he was being so forthcoming. She guessed he really did want to get to know her and build trust. “Can Templar’s marry?”

“Yes, it must be approved by the order but they can marry.”

“They don't have to take vows of celibacy?”

“Celibacy? Uh, no, I guess you could if you wanted to further your service that way but it's not required.”

Emerie didn't really know why she was asking, she was just curious. She fell quiet again and stared down into her ale. The Commander didn't say anything and seemed to be waiting for her to continue but she didn't. 

He cleared his throat again. “Emerie is a pretty name, it's fitting.”

“Thank you, I didn't choose it.”

He chuckled, “I guess not, who did?”

Her fingers tightened around her cup again. “Who names most children?”

“Good point… your mother chose well. You seem to know your way around a sword and shield a bit, where did you learn to fight?”

Emerie groaned internally, was this ever going to end. “Every student has a teacher. I learned out of necessity.”

“Necessity was your teacher? Not your father? My father taught me my first sword skills. I wasn't very good back then.”

“I didn't know my father.”

“Oh, well then your mother?”

Emerie had had enough. She pushed her chair back from the table and stood in one fluid motion. This caught the Commander off guard and he looked up at her in surprise. “Is this interrogation over with? Can I go?” 

His mouth hung slightly agape in surprise. “O-of course, this was never an interrogation. I just wanted to get to… know you.” She heard him trail off with a sigh behind her as she walked away and out the doors of the tavern. 

Outside she took a deep breath of the cold mountain air and rubbed her face. She didn't know him and she wasn't comfortable talking about personal things with him, especially since he was a Templar. They couldn't be trusted. He couldn't be trusted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from the Shakespear line "pride, pomp and circumstance" which has nothing to do with this but oh well.


	5. The Upsidedown of Anger

Emerie woke the next morning full of annoyance and anger. Her conversation with the Commander had put her in a sour mood. He hadn't said anything, in particular, that was offensive, in reality, he had been polite and genuine. It seemed he really did want to get to know her but she wasn't having it. Talk of her mother had brought up memories she would rather forget. It made it even harder to forget that he was a former Templar. Once a Templar always Templar.

In Haven, she was surrounded by Templars. She didn't fit into the Inquisition. She felt like an outsider. She had no friends because she couldn't trust anyone. She had been a loner all her life. The life of an apostate called for that. Her mother had been her only friend and confidant and Templars had taken that away from her. Just the memory of it made her blood boil and her hands curl into fists. How could she ever look at another Templar again and not relive those memories, even one as nice as the Commander seemed to be? It was hard not to judge the entire order by the actions of a few.

She splashed some cold water from her washbasin onto her face. She blinked through the droplets that ran into her eyes and braced herself on the table beneath the basin. She took a few deep breaths as she tried to get ahold of her emotions. Whenever her emotions flared her magic tended to follow and she couldn't have that happen in the middle of the Inquisition’s camp. She took a nearby cloth and wiped her face before setting to work on her mess of red hair. No matter what she did with it every day she found herself just tucking it up into the helmets they were made to wear. She brushed it a few times and sighed before tying it up with a piece of string. She wasn't looking forward to practice that morning. 

As she stepped out of her tent she paused and blinked rapidly against the blinding light of the rising sun reflecting off the snow-covered ground in front of her. She had skipped breakfast to sleep in so she arrived at the field before anyone else. She stood in the middle of the field and breathed in the frigid morning air. It was so cold that the deep breath she took burned her lungs. She didn't mind however as it made her feel more awake. She glanced around the clearing absentmindedly. She had nothing to do until the rest of the troops arrived. 

Movement at the corner of her vision caught her eye and she turned in time to see the Commander coming out of his tent. They made brief eye contact before Emerie turned away. She was not ready to face him after the previous night. The decent side of her felt bad for being so rude yet the skeptical side of her that was run by fear knew she had done the right thing to protect herself, or so she hoped. In actuality, she feared that it had just made him more curious and more determined to get to know her. She had the feeling he wasn't the type to give up so easily. She turned her body so she could look out over the lake and tried to ignore the sound of heavy footsteps in the snow growing ever closer behind her. 

“Ser!”

The footsteps stopped as a scout came running up. Emerie didn't turn to look and instead listened to the scout and Commander exchange a few words. By the time the scout left Captain Rylen had joined the Commander. She got the feeling she was safe, for now, as the growing commotion behind her told her that the men were joining them on the field. She turned around and fell in line as the Commander laid out the practice for the day. 

“We'll be sparring again today. Practice makes perfect. I would like everyone to pair up, we won't be rotating partners again. Captain Rylen and I will be joining you. The Captain already seems to have found a partner.” 

Emerie glanced over to where the Commander was looking to find an excited looking Rylen with his arm around a nervous looking soldier. She couldn't help the small smile that spread across her face. The more she saw and learned about the Captain the more she liked him, for a Templar he didn't seem all that bad.

“I will be picking my partner as well.” The Commander surveyed the troops before his eyes landed on her, Emerie swallowed nervously.“You,” he pointed to her. She glanced around to make sure she was the one he was looking at only to find that everyone had taken a step away from her. “Yes, you Emerie.” He assured her before dismissing the troops to practice. 

She stood in place as everyone else dispersed to pair up and waited for the Commander to come to her. Of course, he would pick her out of all the troops. Apparently, he hadn't tortured her enough last night.

“Are you ready to practice today? Or should I expect you to leave abruptly in the middle?”

Emerie couldn't tell if he was taking a jab at her or just messing with her, but she wasn't going to dignify it with a response so she just looked at him. That's when she noticed he was carrying two shields. He followed her eyes and smiled. 

“Here,” he handed her the smaller shield. 

“But I already have a shield.” She held up the shield she was already holding in her left hand. 

“I know but this one is better.” He grabbed the larger shield from her and gave her the smaller one. “It's a better size and weight for you. You should be able to move better and block more efficiently.” She looked at the new shield and tested its weight and swing, he had a point. “Ready to begin?” He asked as he took up a position across from her. 

She wanted to say no but she knew she had no choice. Why was he so insistent? She didn't like him and she had made it obvious. So why couldn't he just take the hint? She begrudgingly took up a weak defensive stance and looked back at him. Without warning, he lunged forward and tapped the tip of his sword on her shield and she jerked quickly away. He was hard to look at in the bright sunlight because of how it reflected off of his armor. Whenever he moved all she saw were his bracers and a flash of the Templar symbol. She was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of sparring with him especially with the armor he wore. He lunged again and this time tapped her armored shin with his sword. He was being very gentle with his attacks.

“You have to defend and attack, you can't just shy away from every blow.”

Emerie heard what he said but didn't respond. She was trying to fight off memories she had worked hard to bury. There were moments in her life she never wanted to relive but the Commander was putting her in a position that was forcing her to remember. He struck again and this time his sword hit her shoulder. Emerie staggered away from the blow a little dazed. She was finding it hard to focus and separate reality from memory. She was never going to make it in the Inquisition at this rate.

“Emerie,” she looked up a little surprised. She didn't know when the Commander had come to stand directly in front of her. “You've given me nothing but free shots this entire time. Do you even know how to block? I've seen you fight, you're better than this.” He gave her a hard pat on the shoulder and then stood across from her again. “Now attack me.”

Emerie wasn't sure that was a good idea. All she saw was Templar when she looked at him and with the flashes of memories racing through her mind she was finding it hard to keep her emotions in check. So, she played it as safely as she could and kept her attacks weak. The Commander was not pleased with this and she could tell he was getting frustrated. It was obvious she wasn't trying.

He shoved back against her shield. “I said hit me, not play around.” She hit him a little harder but not by much. “Stop messing around! How do you expect to make it in my military if you can't even follow the instructions for practice!” He was really annoyed now and raised his voice slightly as he bashed her shield with his own and swung his sword toward her side. “I can't help you and make you better if you won't even try!” He continued as he advanced toward her. Emerie could feel her temperature rising. “You're pathetic!” He hit her with his sword again. “Do you honestly expect me to send you out to fight in this condition! Either shape up or get out!” 

On the last word, he shield bashed her in the chest hard enough to knock her off balance before sweeping her legs out from underneath her with his sword. Emerie barely had time to process what was happening as she toppled to the ground with a thud. All of the air was knocked from her lungs and once again she found herself on her back staring up at the sky. The Commander’s sword was at her throat in an instant. 

“You need to put whatever your problem is aside and learn to try, and obey.” He said as he looked down at her. Emerie met his eyes with fear in her own. She was terrified of him. His brows furrowed as he watched her expression. He considered her for a moment longer before he removed his sword and walked away. 

Emerie let out the breath she had been holding and tried to calm herself down. She was pretty sure the snow beneath her had already melted from the heat of her magic flaring up. When the Commander came back into view however her deep breaths were in vain. She felt a tingling sensation course through her body at the sight of him. He came back over to her and knelt down beside her. 

“Are you alright? Maybe I shouldn't have hit you so hard.” He reached toward her and she clenched her jaw. “I know you got hit pretty hard the other day during practice, did it re-injure those wounds?” He went to press tentatively on her chest where she had been hurt but pulled his hand back quickly when electricity arced from her chestplate to his fingers. He shook his hand out and glanced at her. “Static,” 

Emerie cringed, did he know it was static from her magic? If he did he made no indication of it. How could he not feel her magic? He was a Templar after all. The bright green light from the sky caught her attention. The breach. It was affecting his abilities just like it affected her magic. With all of the fade energy coursing around them no wonder it was hard for him to pinpoint a source of magic. She breathed a sigh of relief.

She brushed his hands off of her and stood up. “I'm fine.” She managed through gritted teeth before she walked away.

It was lunchtime, she was hungry and didn't want to be in his presence anymore. After she put her gear away she headed toward the tavern to eat. It was already full of rambunctious troops so she took a seat at the bar by herself. She was served lunch and some ale and had just started to eat when someone sat down next to her.

“How are you feeling?” She glanced to her side to see the Commander had taken a seat on the stool next to her. 

Emerie groaned out loud this time. Why couldn't she get away from him? “Do you ever stop?” She asked out of frustration. 

“What?” He looked confused. 

“Why are you here? Why can't you just leave me alone? Why are you so insistent?” She blurted out. He didn't say anything and after a moment she looked over to see his reaction. To her surprise, he was smirking. “What?”

“I think that is the most I've ever heard you say. Certainly the most emotion I've ever seen you show.” She scowled and looked away. “What do you want me to say? That I want to get to know you. That I saw you struggling and wanted to help. That I've never seen you with anyone and I wanted to reach out and offer some friendship. That you're one of my men so I care about you.”

Emerie pushed her red hair out of her face and looked over at him. “You care about me?”

“Yes,” he pushed his empty bowl away from him and leaned toward her to rest his arms on the bar. “You are one of my troops and are therefore my responsibility so of course, I care. It's part of my job to care. Your wellbeing is in my hands. If there is no trust or respect neither of us can do our jobs properly. The only way to do that is through good leadership and to build relationships with the people under me.” 

Emerie wanted to hate him, but she couldn't. He was so genuine. She still couldn't bring herself to fully trust him and she was still afraid of him but she was willing to try if not just to make her life easier and to get his attention off of her. She nodded and looked down at her hands where she was nervously picking at her nails. “I haven't had anyone care about me in a while.” She said quietly, more to herself than to him. “You were right before, I wasn't trying.”

He sighed, “I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of everyone, that wasn't my intention. It's just frustrating to watch someone with potential not even try. I certainly didn't mean to scare you.”

“Scare me?”

“Yes, on the field, I saw the fear in your eyes. I hope you know that I would never purposely hurt you or any of my men.” 

He wouldn't hurt her now but what happens when he finds out she is a mage? She knew her charade wouldn't last forever, he would find out eventually. Then what? 

After she nodded her acknowledgment he stuck out his hand. “Truce?” He asked with raised eyebrows. She considered his offer for a moment before cautiously taking his hand. He smiled at her and she gave him a feeble smile back. After that, he excused himself and left her alone at the bar. Had she just helped her situation, or made it worse?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a movie called "The Upside of Anger"


End file.
